When one must leave home - Lancelot

[Lancelot Du Lac]

Lancelot did not know if it was a consequence of her struggles and her weakened condition, but she seemed to be just staring and staring at him. Did he look strange? Was there something wrong with his appearance? He could not understand it. “Enide, is there something wrong?,” he said as he looked up from his whittling. Maybe he needed to shave …. That was it. No …. Now he remembered her saying something about him being known …. or at least his name ….. where she came from. Perhaps that was it. Perhaps he did not measure up to whatever stories she had heard of him.

“You mentioned that my name had some significance back where you come from. I’m assuming, at least by the way that you mentioned it, that it was remembered positively, at least by some. It is only fair that a man know what standard he is being compared to by others. Sometimes comparisons are fair. Many times they are not. Some people are put on such a pedestal that they can no longer be reached as normal men and woman. Why am I remembered so?” He did not want to place too much pressure on her. He knew she was just beginning to recover. But it was something he did desire to know. “Is there anything you would like to know? You’ll never get a better chance to ask” he said, spreading his arms wide.

As he waited to here her answer or additional questions from her he remembered that he had given her his cloak to keep her warm as her clothes dried. He thought hers would be dry soon and then he could get his cloak back. Upon thinking about it, he realized that some of his clothes were a bit damp as well, just not soaked as hers was. At least he could take off his colors, his jacket and his outer shirt, and get them warmed up over the fire, as well as dried out. It should only take a few minutes, he calculated. “Excuse me, milady ….. I hope you don’t mind,” as he took each layer off and stretched it out over the fire, which readily exposed the muscles, definition, and scars of his arms and shoulders.

It was a bit cool without those layers of clothing, but the cool breeze ….. more like a draft….. from the interior of the cave, was warmed considerably by the fire, and helped keep Lancelot at a decent temperature. The only negative was that he had to breathe in some of the smoke from the roaring fire that got carried by the air flow. He started thinking once more about her decision to flee. He assumed that she had had family that she had left behind, that may or may not have been working with or for the people who were pursuing them. What had happened to them after she had successfully fled? He imagined that she was wondering the same thing.

He wondered now what she was planning on doing next. It was his hope that they had gone deep enough into the forest where it would not be an easy thing for someone to find them easily or quickly, at least not during the daylight hours. If she was rested enough, and her clothes we dry enough, he was all in favor of using the cover of darkness to begin making their way through the forest and on toward Camelot. He knew, of course, that she might have gotten a feeling of safety here in the cave, and she might not feel physically or mentally ready to move on yet. However, she had demonstrated herself to be a tough-enough individual so far. He just wondered how long she was willing to take the chance of staying in the same place. Of course, he thought, the sooner they moved on, the less time they would stay together, and he assumed that she was much more concerned with reaching Camelot than being with him.

He saw now that her eyes did not seem to be focused as much on him now, as the work of a stallion that was in wooden form in his hands. And this time she did respond to his question ….. but not quite the way he expected, and she actually preceded with a smile, which he responded in kind. “Well ….. it was a pleasure and an honor …. Milady,” and he felt the warmth return to his cheeks once again, as he bent back to his work to conceal it.

[Enide Coedwallider]

”… Hear the tune of northern winds…Twilight sun will soon be gone, guide me twilight sun I will follow you home …”

“Enide, is there something wrong?,”

There surely was if she did not realize that while she thought and looked at him it was obvious she did not move her eyes away form him from time to time. He must bethinking her strange or something, as if she had lived in a farm far away form any other person and was finally coming to terms with humanity and knowing there was others alike her in the world. She slightly shook her head and looked at the flickering flames. Honestly he just seemed so different form the men she had known in the past, she had obviously never spoke to young men with the exception of Anwar and a couple of others, mostly nobles, posh and snobby.

She honestly could not stand being around a person like that for long, so she had to sacrifice herself so much for the love of her parents and in order to stop conflicts arising between both realms, honestly she was so selfless she forgot that this all had to do with her life and it affected her more directly than anyone else. Perhaps that was why she did not regret leaving home now, any loyal daughter would have gone back and begged for forgiveness, however Enide did not feel that way, quite the contrary, she would even sail away to distant lands to avoid those spiteful men as much as possible.

Was that wrong of her? Were she cold-hearted and a fool? She did not think so but most women would, certainly, she only hoped her parents would see the true meaning of her actions and not take her for a spoiled daughter. Well, she was to far away now to even find out and she doubted she would go back in a long time, at least long enough to grant those nobles the ability to think for themselves and mind their own businesses and let her live her own life. So that meant never again right? She doubted they were they kind of persons to give up that easily.

“You mentioned that my name had some significance back where you come from. I’m assuming, at least by the way that you mentioned it, that it was remembered positively, at least by some. It is only fair that a man know what standard he is being compared to by others. Sometimes comparisons are fair. Many times they are not. Some people are put on such a pedestal that they can no longer be reached as normal men and woman. Why am I remembered so?”

She was still looking at the flickering flames as she heard him speak again with such words it looked like he was not only a good knight as she hear din those tales but also a great orator and he surely did not know of that. She smiled, his motifs she respected and surely anyone would like to know what people thought of that person and what they gossiped about the street, though sometimes it wasn’t a nice story, most of the time, when it came to heroes and brave knights, it was always full of brilliance and mystery. She nodded to his words and said, “You ask of something I cannot deny you, fair Lancelot, however I do not trust my storytelling abilities, but I will do my best to resume.”

She then thought on how to state things and began, “Your dignified name is portrayed as not only the bravest of knights, but one that everyone your meet is devoted to describe as uniquely ‘perfect’. Your honourable deeds are recounted for their uniqueness, no scop that travels the lands forgets about you and sings of your deeds, adventures and tribulations. Your deeds are not only known among living knights in my homeland, but of all men who have ever lived.”

She ran a hand through her dark curls of amber-brown hair before she proceeded, “It is know of your appearance at a tournament on three consecutive days in three different disguises… also they rescue of a queen or princess, among others. But it is not only your chivalrous deeds but also the way you move with honour and fight for what you wish to achieve, not all knights are that honourable and the fact that you are from Brittany is also impressive for you traveled to a different land and struggled to start all over again…”

“Is there anything you would like to know? You’ll never get a better chance to ask”

She smiled though honestly there was so much she wished to ask, so much! How could she decide? However she could perhaps begin with the basics, she then looked back into his eyes for a brief moment as she said, “There is little known of your childhood and youth years, if you don’t mind such a personal question.”

“Excuse me, milady ….. I hope you don’t mind,”

Suddenly her mind went blank when he decided to remove his wet clothing for it to dry. Right, she had done the same right? The flickering flames were drying her clothes and she had felt no remorse in doing so and covering her exposed body with the knight’s cloak, which now made her somewhat embarrassed. Though to be honest she had never seen a man before, that is chest exposed, so what was expected of Enide? To simply nod at him and then act as if nothing had happened?

Somehow as she looked at the scars in his body she wondered, which one had been acquired in battle? Which one in the middle of a tournament? For it was said that scars also made people be who they were, not only physical scars but also those of the soul. She wished to run a finger across them and ask him about every single one of them, but she then turned to look back at the flames avoiding any other blush that could form in her cheeks, she had blushed far too much this night and had also stared at him too much… She had to act more naturally if possible now.

“Well ….. it was a pleasure and an honor …. Milady,”

She noticed how he blushed; there was something about watching him blush at her comments that really pleased her though she did not know what it was yet. She then smiled and looked at her blistered hands and quickly hid them feeling rather ashamed for hands that did not look like hands at this moment, yet she could still feel the burning pain form the reins. She thought about his last words and somehow realized it made her feel warm in her heart, and she smiled.

[Lancelot Du Lac]

Lancelot had been busy warming himself in front of the fire, as well as his clothes. While it was true that he spent much of his time alone, he often did not think much about his past, his reputation, or what others thought of him. The truth be told, given Uther's opinion, he probably did not want to think about it much. Also, given his relationship with Gwen, he preferred not to think of her too much, either, because it simply hurt too much, the sacrifice he was making. It was only after a minute or two that he realized that she was staring ...... and he decided he would have to take care of that at once.

He immediately grabbed his now much drier and toasty clothes, and through on his shirt, and walked over to Enide, sat down cross-legged on the ground next to her. He could barely believe the stories she was telling him, and in fact, he could not believe them, and he began shaking his head quite negatively. He was so agitated he had apparently forgotten to re-clasp the fasteners on his shirt, and it still hung open from his neck to his waist. He saw that she was now looking into the flames of the still significant fire, even though he was now sitting right next to her. At least she wasn't staring at him anymore ..... there were better things to hold her attention, he reasoned. But he did wonder if it was hypnotizing or mesmerizing her.

She smiled, for no reason that he could see, but he listened to her unbelievable words with rapt attention. "This cannot be! I have been most busy, both before I visited Camelot the first time, and the nearly full year since. My most abject failure was to become a Knight of Camelot, which as long as Uther is king, will never be. But the bravest of knights ..... how could that possibly be ....... and even worse ....... a perfect knight? I am the farthest thing from perfect. I have loved in my heart someone who is forbidden to me. How can I be perfect if I am not morally qualified to be one of Uther's Knights of Camelot? Now ..... that is really too much ..... all men?," he pleaded with her to see reason.

As she ran her hand through her dark curls he followed her fingers, momentarily at least, captured by her beauty. Perhaps she was not a noble, and was bewitching and charming him, he wondered.
She then continued her story. "Yes .... yes ..... I will not deny most of those things. I went out into the world after my apprenticeship to train and prove myself, so that I might be a worthy applicant to be a Knight of Camelot." Yes ... he could not deny it, he had been born in Brittany.

"My childhood. I do not remember much of my youth in Brittany, such as there was of it. I moved with my parents, as their only son, to a small farm in northwestern Briton, on the very edges of Albion. They discovered, straightaway, that my skills did not lay in farming, but in wood and wood-working. Although I was always attracted to the sword, as a peasant boy they felt my future lay in carpentry, so I was apprenticed to a woodsman and carpenter in a nearby town. However, close to the end of my apprenticeship I returned to my village, just as some Northern raiders were leaving, and the village and its people were no more. I swore then to learn all I could about swordcraft, so that I would never feel so helpless again. It is from there that my journeys and adventures began." He sat there, with his shirt flapping in the breeze for some moments, blushing slightly, as she thanked him in her own way. This time, at least, her smile cut to his heart, in a way that had not been done since the last time he had seen Gwen.

[Enide Coedwallider]

”… I climbed mountains so high; I discovered the deep… Long to be long, long to be part of this dream… this is where my heart beats …”

Everyone thought that the life of a noble was pretty much a stage of bliss, where you could do anything and everything you could have ever wanted. You didn’t have to worry about work or money and you could enjoy each and every single day of you life. But that was just the stereotypes crafted by society so that everyone dream of becoming something they could never be since social classes were narrow and no one could move form one to the next without scandal.

Enide had slowly realized that, as she grew older, at least old enough to make her own decisions and judgements. True, she could be quite passionate about it, but she truly would prefer a life of a working class society than that of a noble. There was just so much to look at, propriety being one of them, you simply could not address anyone any time you wished and if you wanted to go on a walk to the countryside you could not walk, least of all do so alone. Everyone expected you to become what was established, to marry another noble and then simply bring up as many children as the husband could handle.

But all the stories she had read, the books she enjoyed, it all assured her there was so much more to life than that. You only lived once so why not make the best of it? Apparently not everyone agreed, perchance that was what made Lancelot so upset about what people thought of him despite the fact that he was truly an honourable knight simply for all the sacrifices he went through in order to preserve the legitimacy of a knight and all he should encompass. But no, he was so hard on himself, she could see it in the way he put on his shirt and then sat in front of as she spoke.

Of course she did not expect him to be really thrilled and believe every single word she spoke, which he did not, for he shook his head in disapproval, but perhaps he could simply see how people admired him and respected his decisions even when those did not connect with the will of Uther Lord of Camelot. Could it be few saw in Uther but a King who could make mistakes from time to time? No one was perfect, that was true, but you could always strive to be. If not there would be no stories about great deeds, heroes and glory, because people would not aspire to try.

"This cannot be! I have been most busy, both before I visited Camelot the first time, and the nearly full year since. My most abject failure was to become a Knight of Camelot, which as long as Uther is king, will never be. But the bravest of knights ..... how could that possibly be ....... and even worse ....... a perfect knight? I am the farthest thing from perfect. I have loved in my heart someone who is forbidden to me. How can I be perfect if I am not morally qualified to be one of Uther's Knights of Camelot? Now ..... that is really too much ..... all men?,"

She did not expect for hi to be so aggravated by her words, in fact she felt guilty now for having stated what her people thought of him, and pretty much most of the realms at the West of the island. She bit her lower lip in a way of repentance and nervousness and then looked to the floor as he began speaking. She then looked into his eyes as he spoke and only hoped that he would not be so hard on himself, perhaps she had to state her people’s reasons for them to admire Lancelot so much? However he did not know if that would make him value himself more and realize that on the path of perfections there were many obstacles that had to be overcome.

Forgetting every single rule on propriety and the fact that his shirt was still unbuttoned, she placed her hand on his shoulder as she looked at him, “You must never let anyone think you are unworthy of what you wish to obtain. A knight, in my homeland, is not valuable for having a pristine reputation and being perfect in composure and what the rules of chivalry consider, but at how he strives to be perfect. There is really no person in this world that is perfect, but thee are those who are close enough to be admired. Despite having been rejected at Camelot you do not give up, you did not go back to your homeland looking for another kingdom to follow, but you stayed here, traveling about the island and doing great deeds in the meant time.”

“Not just any man does what you have done.” She then spotted a couple of leaves on his dark hair and wondered why it had been she had not seen them before. She then removed them from his hair thinking not on how he could take that action, but she then looked at the leaves and smiling she said, “Fern leaves…” She was so fascinating by the arts of healing she could recognize a healing plant as well as a poisonous one, in fact she loved plants in general and had been well taught on mot of them, at least most of the ones found in the island.

"Yes .... yes ..... I will not deny most of those things. I went out into the world after my apprenticeship to train and prove myself, so that I might be a worthy applicant to be a Knight of Camelot."

She smiled to his words and only imagined him training in Brittany and then venturing into the world to prove himself, it must have been such an exciting experience for him, the feeling of being free and ready to serve a King or a Queen. But then again he surely must have been disheartened when King Uther dismissed him ignoring his true value for a knight and a friend.

"My childhood. I do not remember much of my youth in Brittany, such as there was of it. I moved with my parents, as their only son, to a small farm in northwestern Briton, on the very edges of Albion. They discovered, straightaway, that my skills did not lay in farming, but in wood and wood-working. Although I was always attracted to the sword, as a peasant boy they felt my future lay in carpentry, so I was apprenticed to a woodsman and carpenter in a nearby town. However, close to the end of my apprenticeship I returned to my village, just as some Northern raiders were leaving, and the village and its people were no more. I swore then to learn all I could about swordcraft, so that I would never feel so helpless again. It is from there that my journeys and adventures began."

She granted him her undivided attention as he spoke, she was truly interested and he was sharing his past with her. She could imagine how hard it had been for him to suddenly lose his family and then grow up on his own. She was truly moved by those words and said softly, “I am so sorry…” Of course that shaped him into being Sir Lancelot now, but the price had been the loss of his family, the only persons who would truly care for him alongside true friends, if he had any. She then added, “What moved you into coming to this island? Surely there were other countries you could have gained rename at, I am simply curious, however, do not mistaken my words, fair knight.”

She noticed him blush once more and she giggled softly however noticing a softer smile on his lips, a smile she had never seen before. She was obviously still smiling. She sort of realized that she did not have to hank him like anyone would; perhaps her honest smile was good enough. She noticed a gust of wind entered the cave and shook his shirt and short dark hair, she then noticed her stomach grumbled and she placed a hand on her stomach blushing feeling silly.

[Lancelot Du Lac]

Lancelot sat there wondering just how much she knew and understood, and just what she accepted as fact. first, though, he knew he had to correct a mistake that he thought she was making. "They may sound similar,milady, but Brittany and Breton are different from Briton. The first two are in western France, adjacent to Normandy, while Briton was on the island that we now inhabit. I was born in France, in western Brittany, but at a relative young age had crossed the Channel to Briton, ending up on the western side."

He considered if that was how the stories had sprung up in some of the Gaelic areas of the southwestern areas of Briton. He had been on many adventures after he had left his apprenticeship. "How much of these stories do you believe? I admit that I have done many things, but I thought these things would only be known in the localities where they happened. I know it is important to have heroes and heroic acts, to have goals to aim for. But I am so far from being a perfect knight. Some would say the mere fact that I am not a noble as enough to disqualify me," he said as his outer shirt still flapped in the warm breeze.

He wondered, given the struggles that she had obviously been through, whether she had looked at some of those heroic stories as a means to escape her present difficulties. "I am not sure exactly what you believe I am or what the quality of my character is, but all I've ever tried to do is my best, and to be the most perfect knight I could be, even though that goal is well outside my grasp." he did not want to destroy an image that she had built up in her mind about him, but neither did he want to perpetuate one that was false either.

He wondered, now, if it would have been better if she had not told him of what others, people who he had never met and probably never would, thought when his name was mentioned. The only thing it would probably accomplish now was to make him even more self-conscious than he already was. He could see, though, that she was trying to make eye contact, and he decided to respond. "I do not know if I have done much for people to look up to. I have tried to do right. But mostly I am just the wandering knight, going from place to place, doing what I can. I have no real home, except the back of my horse. perhaps that is what we share ... what we have lost. You wouldn't want to stay with me in this cave forever, would you, isolated from the outside world," he laughed.

Suddenly, though, she reached out and touched him on the shoulder, gripping the rounded mass tightly, and then she spoke. "But I am unworthy ... at least of being a Knight of Camelot. King Uther has said so as much, repeatedly. Perhaps that is my problem ... I don't know what I wish to obtain,or even worse, what I want is so abstract that it is not within reason to obtain. Is that the perfection that you see in me .... the striving to be perfect? I expect it will take much more effort on my part to reach that lofty goal." So she thought that he had done great deeds. he wondered why it did didn't feel like he had done great things. most of the time he felt so mentally tired, so alone.

What kind of man does it take to do what he has done, and then not thanked for it, he wondered. his attention was diverted by his many thoughts, and so it was a surprise when he felt some fingers touching his hair and scalp. He was confused momentarily, and then saw that they were simply fern leaves that she had removed from the tangled mess of fibers that was apparently his hair, and he smiled at the simple gesture, and he nodded his head in a friendly manner in return.

As he went through the brief history of his childhood he could see the actual concern on her face as it reached its violent climax. "It is nothing for you to apologize for. You had nothing to do with that horrible time. in many ways, though, it was responsible for making me into the person I am today, both for the good and the bad." He didn't quite understand the question that she followed up with, but he thought the answer was obvious. "That was my parents' decision. They made it and I followed. there's not much more to it than that. My name may be French, but Briton is my home," he smiled. "Or do you have another suggestion for me to make my home, ma cherie?" He smiled once more at her expression of gratitude, as the breeze once more blew his shirt away from his body.

[Enide Coedwallider]

”… All this beauty, it lights up my life… I ride the waves to far-off seas and I lay on the golden sand, I reflect the sun… I make you dream …”

"They may sound similar, milady, but Brittany and Breton are different from Briton. The first two are in western France, adjacent to Normandy, while Briton was on the island that we now inhabit. I was born in France, in western Brittany, but at a relative young age had crossed the Channel to Briton, ending up on the western side."

She listened to him with great interest, for he was being polite and highlighting a mistake. Enide was certainly a well taught and cultivated young maid, but not everything she was taught was correct and if what Lancelot told her meant that bit of information had been erroneous she nodded her head and said, “I shall keep that in mind, fair knight, it is always good to know one’s own mistakes in order to be a better person and possess a more reliable information. However, I hope this does not offend you so.”

"How much of these stories do you believe? I admit that I have done many things, but I thought these things would only be known in the localities where they happened. I know it is important to have heroes and heroic acts, to have goals to aim for. But I am so far from being a perfect knight. Some would say the mere fact that I am not a noble as enough to disqualify me,”

She thought for a moment as she looked back to the flames and then said, “I believe we are all human beings and though some stories make persons look supernatural, in my heart, it is the striving for a goal what really counts, you have all your life to achieve said goal.” She then turned to look back into his eyes as she added, “Whichever your origins are I assure you… you have more possibilities of becoming the perfect knight than any noble or Lord of the land who could suddenly consider being a knight and traveling the world looking for great deeds to decorate the name. I do not believe in social classes and their limitations. And if that is the way the world thinks… then I tall you in my eyes you quality much more for being of your social status than a noble would.”

"I am not sure exactly what you believe I am or what the quality of my character is, but all I've ever tried to do is my best, and to be the most perfect knight I could be, even though that goal is well outside my grasp."

She smiled at him and said, “You have answered your own question, for such in the vivid image I have of you, however I do not believe it is out of reach, though you still need to get there.” She then reached out for a canteen she had brought with hr all the way from the homelands in order to drink as much water as possible. Even though she had never traveled before, she knew water was essential. And so she drank some water, feeling the coolness of such beautiful element relax her throat and give strength to her body. Few water drops escaped her carmine lips and rolled gently down her neck.

"I do not know if I have done much for people to look up to. I have tried to do right. But mostly I am just the wandering knight, going from place to place, doing what I can. I have no real home, except the back of my horse. Perhaps that is what we share ... what we have lost. You wouldn't want to stay with me in this cave forever, would you, isolated from the outside world,"

“I assure you… you need not place more pressure on your shoulders, my people are simple and good-hearted, they admire you for being a good example of the striving man, one who looks for perfection, whereas they do not mind if you still strive till the end of your life.” She realized he was right; both had lots it all didn’t they? They were alone in the world now, though that she did not know yet. She then blushed to his last words and said, “You would be surprised if I gave you the answer which conceals my thoughts on that last comment of yours… I would.” She looked out at the glittering stars which could still be seen from where they sat in the cave and then smiled to herself, she was glad her parents were not in that cave listening to their bold daughter.

"But I am unworthy ... at least of being a Knight of Camelot. King Uther has said so as much, repeatedly. Perhaps that is my problem ... I don't know what I wish to obtain, or even worse, what I want is so abstract that it is not within reason to obtain. Is that the perfection that you see in me.... the striving to be perfect? I expect it will take much more effort on my part to reach that lofty goal."

She sighed and then said as she nodded her head, “Some can place a great thrust upon us by expecting great things, knowing that it is within us to reach said goals. Nevertheless you concentrate so much in King Uther’s disapproval you see not how hare you have gotten already and fail to realize that perhaps you need to focus on said goals, regardless of how close or far you are, the ability is within you, asleep… waiting to be awaken.” She then added looking back into his eyes, “Sometimes you need the reassurance of your family, a friend or a familiar face to know you are on the right track, that is where it all gets much harder.” Since now he did not have his family with him and it was truly hard to trust someone in the environment of chivalry where all knights were looking for the exact same thing, perfection.

“It is nothing for you to apologize for. You had nothing to do with that horrible time. In many ways, though, it was responsible for making me into the person I am today, both for the good and the bad."

She nodded and said, “I think so as well.”

"That was my parents' decision. They made it and I followed. There’s not much more to it than that. My name may be French, but Briton is my home… Or do you have another suggestion for me to make my home, ma cherie?"

She heard his words and it made her think of how diligent and obedient son he used to be. Surely there was nothing in Lancelot that could truly be considered undeserving of the title of knight of whichever realm he wished to be, if ever be again the wandering knight, people would admire him much more for that. But then as he spoke again she blushed lightly, it was so beautiful to hear him speak in French, his vice was already charming, yes, but it changed of tone and was far more soft and musical when he switched to French. She noticed his shirt shook violently with the blowing wind, however this time she did not look; she remembered it had made Lancelot feel uncomfortable before so she avoided that mistake again. She then giggled to his last words and said leaning her back touching the cold stonewall, “I could perhaps…”

[Lancelot Du Lac]

Lancelot always did his best, trying not to be rude. He hoped that his correction was not taken as accusatory by the young noble. She had obviously been through enough turmoil and all he was trying to do was to make sure that they were on the same page. “I doubt very seriously that you could ever offend me, even if you tried. What you assumed to be true was more a misunderstanding than a mistake, and a question of when I came to this fair island, which is now my home, even though my name does betray my origins.”

He noticed that she was trying to concentrate and focus by looking into the flames and not at him. “Mademoiselle, it is not necessary for you to constantly look into the fire and not at me. It must be hard on your eyes to do that, unless, of course, looking at me causes you some discomfort or pain. Yes ….. I agree that the striving to make oneself better is always preferable. It is unwise and unhealthy to put people up on pedestals. It is then that we make them into gods and unreachable by mortals, even though they have all of the frailties and weaknesses of more common folk.” He then noticed that she followed his advice by once more looking him in the eyes before continuing. “I disagree,” he responded. “I am unworthy to ever become that perfect knight, especially compared to others. You have curious ideas about class, given you are a noble yourself,” he commented.

He noticed that the amount of words that she had spoken in a short time had dried her throat, and that it became necessary for her to quench her thirst from the canteen that she had. He watched as she drank and watched as some of the liquid moisten her lip while a few drops escaped onto her chin. He found himself suddenly entranced by her attractiveness, but he tried, as best as he could to shake it off and away from his mind. His mind was then brought back to reality by the sounds of her voice once more. Why would any people look to him for admiration? Would not Prince Arthur be a better object for admiration and adulation? Frankly, he did not understand it. “The fact is, ma cherie, I have yet much to prove, both to others and myself. …… Why? What answer would you give?”

He listened to her more, but so far he had heard nothing to change his opinion of himself, or the fact that she was meant for a high noble, which he was not. “Unfortunately, for me, Uther, being King of Camelot …… his opinion does carry much weight. Ah …. milady ….. that is which I am weak in quantity but high in quality ….. when it comes to friends and family.” Well, he thought, at least they did agree that the experiences of his youth had made him into the man that he was, both for the good and the bad.” He looked up at her last comments with a questioning look in his eyes, as his shirt parted, ”You could? ……”

[Enide Coedwallider]

”… I don't know you, but I want you, all the more for that… words fall through me and always fool me and I can't react; and games that never amount to more than they're meant will play themselves out …”

“I doubt very seriously that you could ever offend me, even if you tried. What you assumed to be true was more a misunderstanding than a mistake, and a question of when I came to this fair island, which is now my home, even though my name does betray my origins.”

She smiled at him, perhaps he was wondering if she took his correction wrongly but she simple said, “My father always taught me to be curious, to thirst for knowledge and at the same time accept when I make mistakes or ignore something where another person could enlighten my mind.” She blushed and smiled to herself when he stated she could never offend him and tried to bring herself to thank him but exactly how could she? She just simply disliked doing things like everybody else; she was definitely going to find another way to do so.

“Mademoiselle, it is not necessary for you to constantly look into the fire and not at me. It must be hard on your eyes to do that, unless, of course, looking at me causes you some discomfort or pain. Yes ….. I agree that the striving to make oneself better is always preferable. It is unwise and unhealthy to put people up on pedestals. It is then that we make them into gods and unreachable by mortals, even though they have all of the frailties and weaknesses of more common folk.”

She chuckled for a moment at his words and said, “Fair Lancelot you could never for of discomfort or annoyance to me, do not even dare to think so again.” She heard the rest of his words and nodded, “I believe it is only healthy to admire people and follow their example, but no one must be venerated as a god, that is unnatural. However it seems like some people enjoy doing that…” She referred to the noble who wanted to marry her by the force of course.

“I disagree… I am unworthy to ever become that perfect knight, especially compared to others. You have curious ideas about class, given you are a noble yourself,”

She heard him speak and answered to the first bit of his sentence, “Well, you can always do your best.” She then heard him talk about her opinions and she laughed softly, “I cannot help it, they always said I took after my father more than anyone else, I did not blame him though, the man was blessed with two daughters only, no son, and he brought me up like the son he could never have. My mother resented that, but I am glad things happened that way, for I am this way now, thanks to the past that preceded me.”

“The fact is, ma cherie, I have yet much to prove, both to others and myself. …… Why? What answer would you give?”

She smiled and said, “Mayhap you need someone to believe in you first, and to grant you that extra oomph in order to succeed. Some have it in a friend, others in family…” She smiled to his last question… he was intrigued wasn’t he? She blushed; maybe he would take her for too bold if she answered to his question, she did not know. But well she was far from the delicate maiden, and sometimes she spoke too much. She looked into his eyes and said, “Perhaps I would prefer staying here… with you.”

“Unfortunately, for me, Uther, being King of Camelot …… his opinion does carry much weight. Ah …. milady ….. that is which I am weak in quantity but high in quality ….. when it comes to friends and family.”

She nodded, “I can imagine so, however, I believe him to be a good man, a loving father and surely one who respects those knights who earn his trust, you can try, Lancelot, at least I believe you can.”

”You could? ……”

She smiled at him and noticed how the wind blew his shirt off however he was more focused on what she was about to say than that incident. It was true that Lancelot was a handsome man, she would not deny that, but she wondered if he was simply being polite to her out of duty or if he was beginning to develop feelings toward her. Her eyes looked back from his tanned chest to his glittering dark eyes and she said, “Yes.” She then leaned forth and kissed his cheek softly and then she found a small twig right next to her and tossed it into the fire, truth be told she was nervous on how he would react to that.

[Lancelot Du Lac]

She was smiling at Sir Lancelot even more now. It must mean that she is feeling better, he thought to himself. It would have been nice to have had a father into adulthood, lance considered. His father had been taken from him in his early teen years, and there was so much about his family’s origins in France that he knew little about. He had had father figures, it was true. There was his carpentry master, and of course the Duke, who had given him some basic training in swordsmanship, and the honor of a knight, but none of it like a real father would have been. “Those were good lessons to teach you,” he told her. “Most people don’t like to ask questions, since they think that shows what they don’t know. However, true knowledge cannot be attained unless you ask the right questions.” He took note of her blushing at his comment that she couldn’t have him. Did she, this noble, have some feelings for him, he wondered.

It was now his turn to blush slightly, as she indicated that she would not find him and annoyance or a bother either. He then nodded his head in agreement with her saying that people should not be elevated to god-like adoration, but just strives to be better and better. Lancelot himself knew that he would only be happy and satisfied with himself if he constantly tried to improve. She did her best to explain her curious views about class. At first he found her ideas to be rather strange for a woman, especially for a female noble. However, when she explained how she was brought up it made perfect sense. “Obviously it resulted in a great independence of spirit, then,” he smiled.

He listened to her, and what she said did tend to make sense, but Lancelot was not quite ready to agree with a girl so wholeheartedly. “Perhaps …. but in the end the only one I will have to prove myself to will be myself.” He stopped now ….. she was blushing again ….. but why? Was it to his last question? Apparently it was ….. but she was a noble ….. why would she be interested in him? He gulped now, hearing her response. “You would, and for how long,” he asked in a coy sort of way. He had already her response about King Uther. He was a good man, and even one, at times Lancelot supposed, reconsidered his views about people. Would he actually be changed in his views about Lancelot, given the reason and the opportunity?

And he looked into her eyes with great surprise and shock, leaning forward, “and what would you suggest,” he asked, as at almost the same instant she kissed him on the cheek, and by almost a natural reflex he kissed he on cheek, grabbing her before she could escape back to her seat, and looking deeply in her eyes, contemplating what he would do next ……

[Enide Coedwallider]

”… Falling slowly, eyes that know me and I can't go back; moods that take me and erase me and I'm painted black… You have suffered enough and warred with yourself it's time that you won …”

“Those were good lessons to teach you… Most people don’t like to ask questions, since they think that shows what they don’t know. However, true knowledge cannot be attained unless you ask the right questions.”

It was true, communication was also based upon perception and if a question was not asked with the right words and at the right time, people might misunderstand what is being asked or might not even understand the question at all. However it wasn’t always possible to plan such thing was it? There were always those moments, situations and places where you could not do such thing and had to limit to the time you had. In fact, sometimes if people listened closely there would be no need to ask, for people always spoke of what they knew about the world, true, sometimes it was biased, but not always, and one must learn to tell honesty form falsity. Not everyone spoke the truth, yet not everyone spoke lies.

“I guess it also depends on asking the right questions at the right time…” however how were you to know the right reasons for such? How could you always be sure you did the right things for the right reasons? How could you even know hat to ask when pressure was on you? Maybe with time you accept that you can never foresee the future and that taking things as they came was the best thing to do, however with as much wisdom as possible.

Enide did not believe in arranged marriages, she also did not believe in only establishing relations with those of her own social class. She had been doing so all her life and the only thing she experienced was annoyance at her limitations and anger at the liberties young noble men granted themselves simply for the power they had over society. She always wondered for how long they would have the upper hand, yet after all these years it looked like nothing had changed and she wondered if it ever would.

That being said, Enide always believed she would make her own decisions and judgments when it came to meeting people. And as such, she also trusted her heart would freely chose who she would fall in love with, if she ever did, and whom she would befriend. That meant that if she fell in love with a peasant so be it, she would not let a patriarchal society rule her life for her.

“Obviously it resulted in a great independence of spirit, then,”
He blushed again and she found that fascinating, slowly she realized that perhaps it wasn’t simply the fact of making him blush, but complimenting him and teasing him what she really enjoyed, was she warming up to the man too fast? Perhaps, but didn’t time move fast as well? What was time for those who lived to enjoy? How could you be sure when it was too soon to fall in love or too late? She smiled at his words and said, “You could say that. However this did not please anyone back home.”

“Perhaps …. But in the end the only one I will have to prove myself to will be myself.”

“And the you will be ready to do so. Even though we like having other person’s approval we first need to encourage ourselves and only when in the right track do we feel comfortable enough to do so.” She noticed he was rather shocked at her words, could he truly take it as unthinkable the fact that someone might develop feelings toward him? Was it so impossible that Enide, noble or not, was warming up to him as much as, she hoped, he was to her?

“You would, and for how long,”

“I will let you answer that very question.”

It was then when she caught his look of shock and surprise as se kissed his cheek but then again he also kissed hers, and not only that but he also suddenly grabbed her and looked deeply into her eyes. She felt her cheeks reaching a crimson colour and at the same time her body was warm, her heart beating increased at an unthinkable rate and she lifted her eyes to look into his. How could it be that suddenly she felt hypnotized by such daring eyes? How could it be that this stranger she had only met for some hours had touched her heart so?

Her eyes looked momentarily to his lips, the lips that spoke such passionate words and the ones that honored those he helped and found helpless. She then looked back into his eyes and for a moment realized she did not oppose to being that close to him. Breaking every rule possible she reached out a hand and slowly traced his face softly as if she wished to keep every bit of his handsome face in her memory forever.

[Lancelot Du Lac]

After he had those words about communication, Lancelot realized that saying was a lot different from doing. It all depended on the situation and the persons involved, and what assumptions were made. Different people could be looking at the same thing at the same time and look at it in vastly different ways. For example, he saw a beautiful noblewoman in front of him. What could he possibly give her that she did not already have? What, he wondered did she see when she looked at him? He had no idea what she could see in him, and he felt at a loss to communicate himself to her. “Yes ….. it does depend on that, but the it depends on the questioner and their subject too,” he said looking deeply into her eyes.

It suddenly occurred to him that this was happening way too fast. He was, apparently, several years older than Enide, and should have been more experienced in these matters. At the very least he should not have let his desires and emotions rule his actions, should he? He was a knight after all, not a noble, but still a knight. She did seem to be rather open-minded when it came to the differing classes, but she was still young. With time she would come to understand that certain boundaries could not be crossed. He, as a knight was supposed to be a defender of those traditions and boundaries. She did seem to be strongly attracted him, but he thought she would get over him soon. As soon as she had overcome her troubles, she would be backing her seat of power, being courted by young, ambitious nobles, not the like of Lancelot. But she was young and full of spirit, and so beautiful, he thought …. so difficult to resist …. why …. when he had resisted others …. except for Gwen?

Lancelot felt the heat rise in his face once again, and much to his consternation, could see by the way that she looked at him, that she had seen it too. What was she likely to think of such behavior? He was afraid that she would be put of by such infantile reactions, but, for some reason he could not help himself. Females had always been attracted to him, yes, but he had never deliberately tried to attract them ….. it had just happened. In fact, he was a loner and a rather shy one, at that, by nature. He was not overly comfortable with showing and displaying emotions. In fact, he was known more or exhibiting a calm demeanor, even in the worst of situations on the battlefield. “Why would they not? Just because it wasn’t accepted behavior, eh?,” he said as he shook his head, the collar of his shirt beginning to work off his shoulder.

“Really and how do you know that I will be ready when it comes time to prove myself? I have doubts that I will ever be fully prepared or ready.” Lancelot was not only surprised at the response that she gave him, but at the speed that she responded to his question and comment. It was as if it was almost a reflex action. Was it something that she had been waiting to say and him to ask? She was so young ….. how could she have these wishes and desires, when she was meant or someone so much higher and greater than himself. He considered that he should not do anything to encourage her, to make her think about what she was saying. But he knew, he was having great difficulty in resisting her. As a result he asked her a question which requested more detail from her. He figured that she wouldn’t go any farther.

“Me? But isn’t that a question both better considered and only answerable by yourself? I ……..,” and he was suddenly was surprised and caught off guard by her kiss on his cheek, and he responded reflexively by responding wit one on hers and grabbing her by her shoulders before she could escape, his outer shirt almost falling off his shoulders. He was so close to her now that he could simply drink in her aroma. Oh ….. it was so difficult to resist the temptation ….. but he was a knight …… with responsibilities to her, and he did resist. He thought he had overcome it, even when he saw her eyes dart to his lips, he was resolved not to go farther. But then, she traced a path across his face with her fingers …… why …… why did she have to do that. It felt so good ….. it strained his powers of resistance. His eyes rolled up in pleasure, and his eyelids closed, and he let out the slightest of sighs, as his face relaxed in submission, and he pressed his lips to hers in a kiss, as he gathered her body against his in his arms ….. a very long kiss. When they parted, finally, he asked, “And how long did you want to stay here?”

[Enide Coedwallider]

”… Take this sinking boat and point it home we've still got time… Raise your hopeful voice you had the choice you've made it now …”

“Yes ….. It does depend on that, but the it depends on the questioner and their subject too,”

So many thoughts can bump into your mind when you are about to do something not just anyone would do, well at least not reaching certain boundaries, and though Enide was well aware of her current situation she also knew that she could never be happy unless she chose her own path, no one knew the kind of happiness she needed except for herself and perhaps those who loved her, though few would admit such. She was a young noblewoman, however she was disowned the day she ran away and ignored the fatal end of her family lineage, which means, if the nobles of the enemy kingdom raided her homeland, was she still a noble? She knew now she had dangerous enemies and partly that was why she was grateful for having come across Lancelot… brave Lancelot.

Enide was in a cave realizing she had feelings much deeper for this man, this fair knight who out of modesty and self-discipline ignores the goodness of his heart, his outstanding abilities and the faith she had in the possibility of him reaching his goals if he tried hard enough. But she could tell he was struggling, how could it be? Could it be she was behaving too boldly? Was she not being ladylike and was forcing him into a situation he truly did not want or need? It was true that she wasn’t one of those women who would easily fall into the arms of a man and then be forgotten. Once she befriended a person she was loyal till the end, and when it came to loving someone, her loyalty was even stronger and her feelings developed quickly and easily.

She was afraid… Afraid to be ill judged by this fair knight if he came to see her as a silly girl and one who should be sent back home to marry a thick man of noble breed who would make her miserable for the rest of her life. She feared he might tell her that her father had been wrong and that she had to follow rules as they were established long ago. But more importantly, she feared being rejected, to love someone who felt absolutely nothing similar to what she felt for him, it wasn’t that she felt merely for Lancelot’s good looks or poetical words, but it was also his personality and struggle what made her relate to him and develop feelings toward him, and his smile… oh his smile, it pierced her heart.

But then… if he did not share the same feelings toward her he would not blush constantly whenever she complimented him, he would not look down and avoid looking into her eyes; he would not be so attentive and certainly so conversational. If he were merely a knight doing his duty he would have told her to go back home or would have taken her directly to Camelot, he would not have spoken to her much nor would have sat so proximate to her. Surely he was developing feelings for her and he could not deny that.

“Why would they not? Just because it wasn’t accepted behavior, eh?,”

She chuckled and said, “Exactly.” She toyed with a long amber-brown lock of hair which had fallen in front of her shoulder and added, “I’m supposed to learn only that which demands housework, however thinking for myself and choosing a path of my own doesn’t seem like an open alternative.”

“Really and how do you know that I will be ready when it comes time to prove myself? I have doubts that I will ever be fully prepared or ready.”

“We all have doubts and fears, fair knight. But it is in us overcoming them when we truly achieve something. That only you will know, Lancelot, but when the time comes, you will know… you simply will.” It was something hard to explain, but that was the way the world moved, that was how a person developed and became better, reaching the next stage into achieving a goal, Enide did not believe that the glory lied in achieving a goal, but in struggling and fighting to do so, it was the thrill of the fight what really mattered, rather than the price.

“Me? But isn’t that a question both better considered and only answerable by yourself? I ……..”

“Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t. I believe the later is the case.”

The moment was there, she knew everyone expected her to fight her heart, her warming feelings for this man, and then go back into nobility and find someone of her own status, but how could she? She had always followed her heart and her father encouraged her to do so, she would not suddenly turn into someone she wasn’t and then ruin the life she had led which had truly brought her happiness, even now she still was happy, despite being so far away from her loved ones. She knew everyone expected her to resist the charms of this young man, to remember that he must think all women fell for him and he still would hold none dear, he was a knight and knew his place and would strive to make her remember hers.
But she could not…

Her heart was stronger, and she could already feel the seeds of love within as she looked into the young knight’s eyes. They melted her heart. The moment she traced his face she noticed he relaxed to the touch and seemed to enjoy it, but then, suddenly, as if the ice had broken, he kissed her. He no longer restrained his inner feelings and emotions and he pressed his lips against hers and pulled her body close to his. She felt her heart engulf her whole being and the feeling of love grew far stronger and more obvious through that kiss. She closed her eyes and then kissed him back and gently holding his face with her hands.

“And how long did you want to stay here?”

The parting moment felt so cruel, she did not want it to end… however, he spoke again. She noticed that by now his shirt was almost entirely removed from his tanned torso, however she looked into his eyes and smiled softly, kissed his lips again for a brief moment and placing her head against his chest she said, “Is forever and option?” She smiled and closed her eyes embracing him.

[Lancelot Du Lac]

Lancelot could see that her mind was working over a thought or an issue strenuously. What was she thinking about, he wondered. She could not be thinking about him. She was undoubtedly thinking about what horrific situation or person, or both that she had been running away from. However, she did not strike him as the type who would run from most any challenge or threat. Lancelot understood that kind of viewpoint, but with him there was always the code of honor that did not exist for many others. he knew that it was not logical, but it did not matter what odds he faced .... it was rather if he fought for what was right or not. Was it good or was it evil. It did not matter if he was outnumber a 100 to one. That was the least part of his calculation. But what was her calculation ...right now?

Sir Lancelot began to realize that this cave was not just a protection from the rain and hiding place from those who might be pursuing her..... it was unlikely that any sane person would find this cave..... one among many..... let alone this deep into the heart of the dangerous and forbidding Forest of Balor. They were in their own little world here ..... it was unlikely that anyone would find them. He found that he was having feeling for her. But how was this different from the others .... except for Gwen. he knew that he had been attractive to others, through no fault of his own, but he had brushed them away. Why could he not do the same to her. Yes ..... he must protect her ..... his code of honor demanded it, but he should not do more. He could not let the hot-bloodedness of his heart overwhelm how he knew he should comport himself, could he. He had to resist .... he had to.

Lancelot, now though, could see the fear in her eyes, but what was she afraid of. Was she afraid of him? He knew that because of his size and his fearlessness, he could be a fearsome and an intimidating figure in his own right. Or was she afraid that those who chased after her would catch up, or worse, that Lancelot would turn her over to them or take her back. Or, after using her would turn her debased form back over to her. Or should he just take her to Camelot and leave her on the doorstep of Uther and Arthur. That was what honor dictated that he do, correct ....protect her until he could turn her over to someone with the responsibility and the authority to make such a decision. Then why did he possess so much indecision?

Lancelot then began the attempt to convince himself that she had no real feelings for him. All that he saw and felt from her were merely feelings of gratitude, and these feelings would only run deep for her as long as she felt that she was in danger. When the danger passed so would any feelings she had for him. After all, she was noble and he was not, as King Uther would undoubtedly reinforce or him. she could not feel for him, as for example, he had felt for Gwen, but denied himself.

She answered his question and comment about those she had left, but with a smile and good humour. They had expected of her the traditional expectations, which she, obviously, was not prepared to give. However, would he not have the same expectations? She felt safe with him now, because he was shielding her from them. But if he showed the same designs on her would she not run from him as well?

"Yes .... yes, there is much truth in what you say. It is not the objective, becoming a Knight of Camelot that is the most important thing. It is the journey, and what one does, and what one must achieve and adapt to, and what one must become, on that journey, that is of the greatest importance. How far on that journey do you suppose I have come. How much more do I need change to achieve my goals, ma Cherie?"

He listened to her comment, pondered it, and asked, "and how would you answer it then, mademoiselle?"

Everything seemed to happen so quickly, where he thought that she could not feel as he did, and then that she should not. He then realized that the way that he was feeling was wrong, according to the code that he had lived by, that in protecting someone else he should never use the advantage of physical power to take advantage. He had thought that his powers of will had triumphed, but then she had touched him, and then all of his resistance had washed away, and her body was pressed against his. But amazingly, she returned his kiss with an even deeper one.

"I'm afraid it is not ma Cherie. In fact, I am not sure whether what we have done is or should be allowed. I, at least am not worthy of a noble such as you. It is the highest honor to protect you from harm and see you safe, and that should be enough, or at least as much as I should expect in life, no?"